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I used to have a picture in my mind of two old, ugly men with mustaches (which I happen to find quite unattractive) kissing – and I found that revolting. Why did that take so long? I think because when one grows up and hears words like ”gay” or ”homosexual”, one thinks of rather horrid people, who are disgusting, ugly, and immoral. I was ”preaching” to my inner self, in a way.Īnd I now gradually began to realize, on an intellectual level, what I was. That is to say, I now think I was homophobic, not primarily to have people believe that I was straight (because I never thought anybody doubted that anyway), but to keep myself in check. Of course, as before, all of this was kept very secret! So how can it be explained that I, who really was gay, so strongly attacked homosexuality in different contexts? The explanation is, I think, psychological in nature. I was very attracted to quite a few boys which I only knew from having observed them around the school, and I also experienced two strong infatuations, involving two boys in my class. Looking back at this period, my feelings for other boys were at least as strong as before, while my lack of an emotional-sexual interest in girls continued. During my years in the upper secondary school Holavedskolan, I was well-known for being a devout Fundamentalist Christian, with a very strict view of morality.
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I adopted that negative attitude, and I became quite a vocal homophobe. While I felt great satisfaction about being a part of the Christian church, I gradually encountered attitudes among fellow Christians and in the Bible which were rather hostile towards homosexuality in any form. After a conversion in the summer of 1984, during which I confessed Jesus Christ as my lord and savior, I joined the Pentecostal Church by being baptized on December 9. When I was 16, I became a Christian, which complicated matters quite a bit.
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While some opponents of homosexuality often claim that it is ”unnatural” (a claim which is thoroughly refuted in the essay ” Homosexuality and the ‘Unnaturalness Argument’”), for me, my homosexual feelings were very natural indeed. They just were, and that was fine with me. But at the same time, on an ”intellectual” level, I never confronted these feelings, and so I continued having them without worrying about them or trying to transform them in any way. All the things that took place in the emotional-sexual realm were, admittedly, real and concrete to me: I experienced real feelings for other boys (love, infatuation, sexual attraction).
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#Young boys first gay sex storys free#
Sometimes I looked them up in the school’s photo catalog to see what their names were, and in my free time, I often dreamt about being physically close to them.īut during this period of adolescence, I never really thought about what I was. While in the locker room after physical education, I detected that I was sexually attracted to several of the other boys, and I also saw many boys walking around the school corridors who caught my attention. I had problems settling the issue in my mind, but nevertheless, I looked at him ever so often, and I felt pleasure while doing so.Īs time went on, as I entered puberty, I began to take a more active, albeit still very discrete, interest in other boys. While my thoughts at that time were not particularly sexual (I was nine at the time), I often thought about whether or not I thought this boy beautiful. I started in a new school, and I was fascinated, in a rather special way, by a particular boy in my class. When I think back of my early childhood, I can remember moving with my parents and little sister to a city in southern Sweden called Tranås.